well i have not posted as much as i thought i would. but i want to fill you guys in on what has happened. that first week in zihuantenejo was fucking amazing. the people we met and that became our friends were all so very very cool. i fell in love a few times and it wasnt very hard. i fell like i tore myself down so quickly. with the three of us all progressing together. it was challenging. but had i come a lone it would have been a much slowere process. i am learing to be myself. and to have spirit. espiratu. the mexicans have some spirit let me tell you. they are slow and relaxed. but they have a different kind of energy. you dont go to bed at midnight or 2 because there is so much to do, there is no reason to go to bed. so we learned to stay up till dawn. and when when you are sad or the energy is down you learn to pull youselp back up into the party. circa de la madre. circa de el partido. you can fell the rise in your chest and upward. but mostly in the chest i think. you also have to open your heart. because these poeple know. if you are hiding from them pensas you have someting to hide. and if you are afraid of them they consider the negetive energy a disrespect. this is a challange to take on. as is learning the langague which is respectful too. as is just plain socializing. but it is worth it to try. all you have to do is try. trying requires breaking out of your box. which is so important to do. the point of my life has become so much more clear to me here. i spend my time at home playing warcraft. befor i could justify it as a learning experience, which it is in some way, but it jsut cant equal out with talking to people. what i learn from being with friends and making freinds is so large, so important. to spread my beliefs and lisen to thoes of others is so important. talking with someone on the internet about my charcter is not so important, it is a deversion, nothing wrong with that it is like tv. but not worth putting any stock in. on this note i want to hang out with you all when i get back. we should go see a concert in p town, or go to erics house and paking power his anus when he falls asleep. we need to go camping and make some fires. and we need to get fucking drunk. i havent stopped drinking since i have been here. and i really dont have a problem with that. get a little louder, forget about selfconfidence, and have fun. i dont mink alcohol and i know my body can handle it. since i got to guanuato i have been living in a holiday inn, with 30 quier sstudents from ashland. basically i have been living in america. and we ate some hamburgers from the colledge caffeteria (i got free room and food for the whole week fucking awesome), and more than half of us got food poisening, not from a street vender but from dorm food, cracks me up.

that was a experience, there were four peploe in my room, one survived because he didnot come to it. we were together for 35 hours in the dark puking and shitting. it was a fucking trip. but we survived and i didnt even take the antiboitcs. i passed it and now i am stronger. last night was thier last night. so we wnet out,,,,finally, with out tourguids. about 15 of us and danced and freed our selves and learned. and...got drunk. at the end of the night relativle early like 3 am i walked home with the tourguids so that my frined could walk slowly behind with a beautiful mexican woman. (he didnt go home with here but he fell in love), and beto told me that everyone must get sick once in guanato, because the water si really bad, that he did too. but then you dont get sick again.

it is so important to talk to mexicans they are so rad of a people. at least the ones i am meeting. sitting in a holiday in is bullshit, but for me it was good because i met so many people, the only ones that i knew were heather and coleen g. (not very well though). we were all a little mexican in that american provinance. it was application of what i have learned because it is not going to be easy to do in the us. i will problably get brainwashed into a different mentality very quickly. but i am goitn to try so hard to hold onto it. to walking up and taling to people to hanging out with friends to lighting poeples cigretts for them, and apoligizing when i have to leave the room to go to the bathroom. i guess that is the easy stuff. to opening my heart and feeling the people around me. i donnt even know if i can do that now but in order to fit in i try. in the us that might be standing out. i might even have to do like my mom and start going to coffee shops. talking to random folk.

so after my friend got a good night kiss we took a taxi home and stayed up till they had to leave a 6. and we talking. thoes hours flew by i must say. i made a fool of myself going on the buss and saying goodbye to ever peorosn on there even the ones i didnt get to know well, the ones i didnt party with. but there were a lot 5 10 i dont know, that i had devleloped a realationship with. paul french the quier directior knew i was drunk as shit and was a little upset, but he really liked me, he accepted me, on his class trip, as part of the class though i did not sing. what an amazing guy.

then i went to the room and packed and cleaned up till about 9, going a bit crazy in my head with thoughs. i tried to sleep till 12, but it wasnt very restful. and i left. found a hostel for 7 dollars a night. and slept. and then walked into the city. i think i will go back there now and sleep, it is only 6 30 though so maybe i willl wait, because i dont really feel like going out tonight i feell like sleeping.

i not really alone here because always there are people are ound me, actually i am never alone, but i will miss my friends, i will miss chris bingham because he was my leader. he was my flame, that woke up my spirit. as maybe i was his. and he was a socializing guru. in the past i have not been this, but i will try to do a bit more. truthfully here in mexico, nothing can go wrong. everything is perfect.

a jump ahead

jonR

Tuesday 04 April 2006 at 5:52 pm

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a jump ahead

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