My internat name is sledgbrainerd.
I am in fact a real person. A not very great or notable person. A person who is stuck in the past.
I miss people being interested in other people, or not thinking its weird when other people show interest in them.
Late 20's. SUCKS. I am fucking BORING. I honestly do not know what keeps people from turning into alcoholics, or degenerates, or jumping off of bridges. Why isnt everyone uploading porno onto the internet? WHAT THE FUCK?!
Passion. What the fuck is wrong with Passion. PASSION.
I have realized by now, that at this age, people dont want to rock the boat. I assume it gets worst after this.
I need to kill myself, or say fuck all of that. Those are the two options. So if you see me after this, and I am an asshole, it is likely not intended as a personal attack. I just cant care anymore. Because caring how people feel is making me someone who absolutely no one can handle to be around. I would rather have a few people understand me than have everyone just look at me as a curmudgeon. I love and hate. I am apathetic. I am opinionated. I expect people to be reasonable yet a lot of people do not find me to be reasonable. At this point, I can not make sense of this. I want to understand everything before having an opinion and that rubs people the wrong way. I believe in science over peoples word, and I understand how problematic that can be. I point out when people seem to be wrong because I want to be corrected. That way, everyone learns something.
I'm realizing that I am not one of those blessed souls that gets to make a good living speaking honestly from my heart. But I also seem to have difficulty faking it through straight jobs, regardless of good job performance. So what options do I have?
My life is obviously destined to be a crazy person on the internet. Look at the arc. Follow my posts from when I first started posting on this site to now. There might be one or two posts a year (or even none) in recent years. But I do think it documents someone submitting to the outside world. Someone not doing what they find so admirable in others. Someone who doesn't believe in themselves.
Fuck me. And fuck you too.
I'm tired.
