The boy called it off a month ago, just shy of us making it to the (legitimate) one year mark... and I understand why he did it. There was no fuck up, no "I accidentally hooked up with some girl last weekend," nothing that deserves me hating him for. And I don't hate him. At all. His reason was honest, though not easy to hear: he loves me, we've been best friends for seven years (eight?), but he's not in love with me. And for all the effort I put into this relationship, he feels like he's ultimately cheating me out of finding someone who wants to be just as invested as I am by keeping us going. We've been having fun, but he sees no future in this, so it's better to end it and give us both the chance to find something that really makes us happy.
I'm stuck somewhere between wanting him to find that person that makes him happy (as his best friend) and then wanting him to be totally miserable and sad that he ended us (as the ex-girlfriend). But in truth, the best friend half of me wins out, and ultimately I just want him to be happy with his life, wherever and whoever that involves.
I love getting advice from people around me, about how I just have to go out there and meet people and maybe have a random hook-up or two; this is the most popular piece of advice, by far. Yes, by finding some random individual and jumping into the sack with them, I will miraculously be over Chris and everything we were. I'm thinking that's probably not gonna work. And just to prove my point, I may have given it a shot. I was right, that is not the solution.
Luckily, my road trip from Arkansas back to Oregon got pushed back and it ended up happening the week after the breakup. Excellent timing, as I wanted quite badly to get the eff out of town. Saw a lot of very interesting things on the drive. Did you know that porn and tattoos are illegal in Oklahoma? I've never been stopped by so many people to comment on my tattoos. In Portland everyone has them, so mine are no big deal. In OKC literally every place I went into I got at least three comments on them. Made me feel a little special. Also, I went to my first dueling piano bar. It was awesome. Why we don't have one in Portland is beyond me. I loved that place. It was grand. I am going to DC in October and we already scouted one out for one of the nights we're there. I'm excited. The largest cross in the Western Hemisphere resides in Texas (shocker) and we had to stop to see that. There were so many amazing photo ops, but since I wanted to get out of Texas alive, we decided to keep our comments and funny picture ideas to ourselves.
Hit LA and spent a couple nights there with my sister and her husband. 20th Century Props, one of the major prop houses in the city, was having a huge auction, so we took an afternoon to go look at all the lots. I saw trees that were used in the Wizard of Oz, Dr. Evil's desk, the windmill from Moulin Rouge, and some of the most random CSI/Malcolm in the Middle props ever. Very fun. Hit Six Flags, rodes some roller coasters, and enjoyed the nice warm sun while everyone up in Portland was melting during the extreme heat wave. By the time we hit San Jose I needed jeans and a sweatshirt to sit outside, and my roommate informed me that my cat was panting from the heat. Nice time to be out of Portland. Caught up with my friends and family in Medford for a night, then made it back to Portland exactly one week after flying out. Overall a good trip. I think I should take road trips more often.
Word is that this week is going to bring more God-awful heat... I'm sort of over this really hot hot stuff. Why can't it just stay in the 80s and call it good? Also, in recent weeks I have taken to watching a couple of great shows which I am now addicted to and will share with you:
Dexter
Mad Men
Californication
Arrested Development (I know, I know, I'm like the last person in the world to discover how hilarious this show is, and quite frankly I'm not sure why it took so long. But it is so great and I love it so much, I wish I weren't so behind the times with it... but the upside is, since I've only seen half of the first season, I have all the rest of it to watch and it will be new to me!!!!)
Did I mention I got a dog? I'm fostering him, long term. He is an overweight short-legged Jack Russell named Petey who, aside from his terrible breath, is a delight. The roomie and I are both loving his presence as he is a constant form of entertainment, and since she is newly single as well (which means her boyfriend moved out and my rent went up... grr...) we need all the entertainment we can get (hence the rash of new-show watching).
This is my life these days. It's not too exciting, but the roomie and I are really enjoying our current living situation, our new four-legged roommate, and making an effort to reconnect with old friends who may have been pushed aside during our respective relationships over the last year.
It's almost birthday time, and I think I might just skip it this year....
always.....
