I still recognize that I am a damaged human. I know that I should not be in a relationship for a long time. I can't handle it. I have too much to deal with. The events and circumstances around the slowly-building demise of my last relationship still hurt every single day. I have learned a lot of really tough lessons throughout the last two years. But a lot of those lessons still hurt.
However,
I have come to terms with all of this. I am now able to mostly focus on goals and dreams again, which is a fresh, yet old, feeling. I am starting to live in the moment again. I am beginning to be able to forgive myself for making mistakes again. I tend to not dwell for too long on things I can't do anything about. Well, there are a few things, but nothing some therapy shouldn't be able to knock out of me.
I'm still freaked out about aging though.
For the first time in years I have some positive feelings about what the future has in store for me. I once again do give a damn if a live or die. And I am starting to get my social sea-legs back.
Next on the agenda for me is to become a bit more serious about having a strict daily routine that reinforces healthy behaviour. This means having the will power to not do what I want to all of the time, which is drink, do blow and makeout with chicks. I need to cut that aspect of my post-relationship life out, and focus on what I want to accomplish in my life. I hope to some day be rich enough to be able to do nothing but drink and do blow all day, and makeout with chicks.
However, as a 30 year old man, I'm supposed to be getting past all of these juvenile urges to party all the time, right?
Yep. I agree.