And on the first Sunday of the week of finals, Jebus did bestoweth an uncanny tipple-threat infestation upon the sharp-minded inhabitants of the profane Corvallis A-Frame.
I don't know what happened. All of a sudden there were ants. Everywhere. Cleaning up the sticky beer spots on the coffee table and entertainment center, I ponder the sleeping configurations of the vast army of ants that has taken over a good chunk of the house. An incredible fly-by night operation, I'll commend them on that. After a day of cutting off their food supply (messy roommate's unsanitary cooking devices), the are gone.
As I sigh with a feeling of accomplishment from conquering the impeding ant army, I notice something on the counter. Upon inspection, I did spyith with my little eye, a scattering of mouse droppings (see also: shit). In the corner of my vision, I saw a dark spot move quickly into the shadows. Shit. A Mouse. A Mouse in the house.
(EDITORS NOTE: Raffi is full of shit -- a mouse in the house is most definitely not a wacky, fun-filled event)
After capturing a grand total of three mice, I again, feel that warm sense of accomplishment from fending off three of nature's most voracious creatures. Only while going to dispose of the last mouse carcass do I see the mini shanty-town set up by bums in my garage.
Curse Jebus, there were bums in my garage. Their carts and everything. They even had a mattress, as can be seen from super-high-tech surveillance captures pictured above. Below you will find a reference photo containing my friend Jessie (aka: Splinter) passed out next to one of the homeless inhabitants of my garage earlier this year. Note the homeless man's obscured face in both pictures, a natural camouflage when being photographed. Such a mystery.
Only after disposing of their mattress and leaving a bartering bag of bottles (with a note attached saying "You're in my spot.") did the homeless men depart from our garage, leaving behind a scattering of prescription medicine bottles and pieces of scissored-up credit cards (see also: the smell of urine).
I have been smote.
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