i am home now at the end of the fourth of july. it was a good one this year. i have had a really good night tonight. it's 155, i just came back from a party at ryan davidsons house. the rest of the night and day has been real good too. i met this girl there named dandi. you know like ghandi. she was really cool. i had seen her earlier on the dance floor. you know i was standing there watching everyone dance and i was feeling uncomfrotabe, like i usually do. i saw her standing and made eye contact. Then i went outside where i would feel safe in the darkness. (he lives at emiliys old house across from the high school, just so you know where i am talking about). And this girl came out there. i was sitting on this falling apart box, and kept sinking lower and lower, but wouldnt move. we ended up talking for a long time. not deep stuff at all. Thought she did seem cool, good taste in movies and a chill and intelligent enough person that i was impressed by her. she was frying on mushrooms and i think felt more comfortable out there too. i supose we didin't talk about much, or even talk much at all, but she felt comfortable around me and stayed. i really like this because if she was frying, then my nervous fear could have gotten to her real quick, but it didn't. eventually conor took her home, and i didnt care that he was trying to get her to leave. i just felt comfortable around her, i could relax, and not say much, maybe just because she was frying, i don't know. but i very much feel good about meeting her, and wouldnt mind doing it again. Then I also talked to this guy ian who i worked with at brothers. he went to europe pretty much around the time i got back. but we are pretty damn sure we met the same person over there. we couldn't remember his name, but it was the guy from LA who i met in barcelona. this guy, (hang on one second), yes scott. this is the guy who changed my whole trip. i started to have fun after i met him, and if anyone remembers, it was the guy who i had a threesome with. Ian met him in napilie, at a hostel called the 6 rooms, that he went to work at after we went on different paths. it is really crazy that both of us could meet this same guy. what a fucking small weird world.
the rest of my day was great too. i went to work and it was great. me and a girl i work with named Taj have been having some problems at work, (she is one of thoes taurus) basically the problems were because of me because i was putting my shit and sadness on her after scooter died. (Yes sorry scooter is dead i had to put her down, i will do a memorial later.) And she didn't know how to handle it or why she should. but today work was great, me her and rachael all worked together great, no one got stressed out, and the day was fun. i think that taj lisened to some of the things i was asking of her, without me talking about it, (because i don't usually do that). and i stoped puting my shit on her. it was a reconciliation, which was great because i like taj a lot. Then aroud 11,30 we bought a bottle of wisky and eveyone at brother got drunk except for three people. all three cooks, both dishwashers and a waitress. it was desaster waithing to happen, especially since after the prade is when we expected it too get real busy. but we jsut got drunk and still rocked that shit. and i will tell you i was definatly drunk.
Then i went to a barbyQ with my neighbors and dad. it was fun, then i went and hung out with bingham and gabe for a while and went to a party at a guy i know named jacks house. I work with a guy named Kyle now and he is really cool, we are both virgos and feel a weird bond because of this. because we are pretty damn similar in some ways and pretty damn different in others. i have always felt like a big weirdow too as far as my behaviors, so i really like working with him and observing him. so i hung out with kyle a bunch too. Though i have hardly had a conversation with kyle since i have known him, which is very weird if you think about it.
at this party there were all kinds of people, and they were lighting off a ton of illegal fireworks. the cops would drive by, and we'd light off sparkler or somethink weak, then when they were gone bust out some bigg ass shit. and cheer and yell--just like stupid americans. and we would say that we were winning our battle against the cops. (we did have a hose thought to let them know we were taking care of things. which i thought was hilarious.) i went there thinking about how stupid the fireworks were, YOu know loud noises and lights--stupid americans. but ended up really enjoying it and kept saying today was the day i was most happy to be an american. Maybe the first time ever, though not true, i do like it sometimes. tonight i was a white trash hippy, battling the cops and being impressed by loud noises and lights. I felt like i was opening up to a new way of thinking. it was good fun. and a lot of the people there were very cool and totally happy with their way of thinking.
Then i went to ryan's house, ect and came home. basically the whole day was good. i didn't feel totally positive all day, but there were times when i felt very much so. i felt like i was just myself today. i was quiet all day, but with people i like a lot. and was relaxed enough with myself to have fun.
As far as that girl dhandi goes, i have been thinking about getting a girlfriend, or more to the point, getting a girl and getting laid lately. but i doubt i will meet her again, or meet her in the right circumstances again, though that would be cool, but it was just good to hang out with her. There is a lot to be said for just hanging out with a girl and liking it. Sex is still so scary for me, and i don't know when that will change. i was hardly thinking about sex by this point of the night. i hate it when i preasure myself to meet girls, (jon just go up and talk to someone, you can get laid), because then i don't feel good about myself. so you know what, for now i just like meeting a cool one now and then and getting to know her a little bit.
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