i was thinking that it would be pretty sad to come back from vacation and not enjoy my life here at home. so i am making the best of things. or trying to. europe was an envoronment conducive for changings one's normal patterns in life. expectations on oneself. and that was exelent. i was also keep a journal which helps me to undersatnd my head.
here at home it is eazy to not even try. because there is so much of the same old shit around you. but again i must say it is all what you make of it.
i tell you what though i will be traveling again soon.
i urge you all to.
maybe even with me,
maybe not.
it is good to feel like your life is progressing. it always is, but to feel it and see it is good.
have you ever wonder how quicky we can change outselves.
i used to think that i need about six months to forget all of the changes i thought i was making, and let the ones that were true to fall into place. this was also a time of no journal, because for me this has a lot of control, writing about myself. living on greenbriar, walking scooter through that feild below our house i remeber wondering if i could speed this process up. as i understand how this process in myself works. and suddenly everything moved fast in my head, the impossible was becoming possible. and the vision of my thoughts began to blur around the edges.
i talked to my mom the other day about something that i didn't think very much of until right now. she told me of an event horizon. a point in you where what is important becomes clear. and all of that other shit, the silly shit in life. the unimportant shit. (like money and a job, and status, and pain, and fear, and...a dreaded future that you fear wont happen (too bad)) all of the stuff in a person's life that they feel is unimportant, but focus on...well it falls away. then what is left!
i think i am becoming an alcoholic, and i don't think i can hold up through the whole school year and work. because i am so stressed. and i don't know if i will travel more, and do what is so unimpossible, but seems to be. and i must ask how important is all of this shit. and how would i prefer to deal with these situations?
i hope i have not gone off the deep end this is not what i expected to write about.
i just wanted to get my name on the website a little bit.
love you guys
jon r
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