Dear Jeffrey Goodwill,
1. Hitting on chicks over the internet doesn't work because:
a. It's creepy
b. It assures everyone that you are still a virgin, since you are obviously scared to talk to chicks that are physically around you. This double-obviously means you don't know how to please a woman.

2. When you use words like "we", as in "i think we can have a good thing" it means that you have already fantasized about being together with this person and have some sort of relationship with them, which you, uh, DONT. Added to that, why do you think you guys "can have a good thing"? Have you met her? Or are you just thinking about what a good thing it would be if you could date someone? Do you email Heidi Klum the same thing. Jenna Jameson? Raquel Welch?

The point I'm getting at is that you obviously don't have much of a grasp on reality. And to give you a little secret between guys.... THAT IS SCARY TO GIRLS. People who tend to think that they "could have a good thing" with someone they've never met usually go by the title of STALKER. Sure I think often that me and Josie Maran "could have a good thing", but if i were to try to tell her that she'd file a restraining order against me. Some things are just not meant to be. It's about drawing that line between fantasy and reality. And once you' start thinking that you can cross line, that is when you are a psycho. That is what makes people child molesters and panty thieves.

Some advice:
Since you are 24 and still a virgin you need to learn some skills quick. To boost your confidence around the ladies, I suggest you hire some prostitutes to teach you the ropes. Once you feel comfortable and know where all the differant parts are (namely the clit, the funhole, and the asshole), you are halfway there. The next thing you need to do is leave you room and go outside and make some friends. This is what I refer to as "building a social network". Through this "social network" you meet people which eventually leads to meeting Chicks. When faced with talking to a girl, its best not to think about how you are coming off. You just have to engage them in some conversation. Eventually you'll find ONE desperate enough to fuck you. You're going to make some mistake s along the way, which is ok as long as you learn from them. You are even going to make some mistakes in the sack, which is ok, as long as you dont let it mess with your confidence. A premature ejaculation here or there is no big deal.

NOW GO OUT THERE And BE SOMEBODY!!!!

Im glad we had this talk
love
SLEDG

<{[(UPDATE)]}> Ps. The PATTON VS. X-CUTIONERS tracklist is insane and inside 1. X-MEN DOCTRINE AND DECLARATION: TARGET=40:40:11N, 73:56:38W
2. GENERAL P. COUNTERINTELLIGENCE: TARGET=37:47:36N, 122:33:17W
3. !GET UP,PUNK! 0200 hrs. (joint special operations task force)
4. ROC RAIDA: RIOT CONTROL AGENT/COMBAT STRESS CONTROL
5. IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICE 0300 hrs.
6. !VAQUEROS Y INDIOS! (joint special operations task force)
7. PRECISION GUIDED NEEDLE-DROPPING AND LARYNX MUNITIONS (PGNDLM)
8. DUELLING BANJO MARCHING DRILL
9. BATTLE HYMN OF THE TECHNICS REPUBLIC
10. !FIRE IN THE HOLE! 0400hrs. (joint special operations task force)
11. CONVULSIVE ANTIDOTE FOR NERVE AGENT AUTOINJECTOR (CANAA)
12. MODIFIED COMBINED OBSTACLE OVERLAY (MCOO)...or..."how I learned to stop worrying and love the turntables"
13. SURPRISE SWING INSURGENCY/TABLA AND TONGUE TWIST COUNTERATTACK/"DRAGON SEEKS PATH"
14. !KAMIKAZE! 0500 hrs. ("TAKE A PIECE OF ME")
15. "WE'LL PAINT THIS TOWN"--THROAT AND PHONOGRAPH
16. IMITATIVE ELECTROMAGNETIC DECEPTION (IED)/DIGITAL NONSECURE VOICE TERMINAL (DNVT)
17. A.W.O.L. BLOCK PARTY BRAWL 0600 hrs.
18. EASTSIDE MULTICHANNEL TACTICAL SCRATCH COMMUNICATIONS (EMTSC)
19. !PIMPS UP, ACES HIGH! 0700 hrs. (WESTSIDE SWASHBUCKLING PARADE)
20. WARCRY/INFRARED R'n'B HALLUCINATION/JUNGLE OPERATIONS EXFILTRATION SYSTEM
21. L.O.L.-- !LOSER ON LINE! (hate the player, hate the game)
22. LOW ALTITUDE VOCAL PARACHUTE EXTRACTION SYSTEM (LAVPES)
23. BATTLE DAMAGE ASSESSMENT AND REPAIR/WHITE FLAG SURRENDER/"WAKE ME UP IN HEAVEN"

Lady Advice or Where Jeffrey Goodwill can stick his Peenie Weenie

ian

Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm

24 comments

Sorry homie, this is off the subject, but you have got to go to http://www.hydrahead.com right fucking now and listen to Big Business, "easter romantic"

it'll knock Jeffery Godell's dick off!
Jeryl
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
we have a sample of patton vs x-cutioners at our site
http://www.ipecac.com
thanks
ipecac
ipecac
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Real tough guy on the internet huh. Seeing how I have a three year old son fagot I obviously get laid plent. I didnt even remember writing that until i typed in my name in google to search for my counterfeit conviction and your coksukerdotfag site came up. Although it is funny that you went through the effort the post a "internet tough guy" post on it.Whatever raises your esteem buddy. But I'd still beat ya ass and fuck that chick in hers. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU
Jeffrey Goodwill
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
P.S.
Just because you number things like that
1. Doesn't make you cool
2. Makes me want to put the boots to your literal cocksucker
3. Cracks me the fuck up

ALSO, your whole "I'm so smart check out my psychological analysis where I phrase sentences like I actually know what the fuck I'm talking about" because of a simple comment about the fact that a chick I ran across by accident was hot doesn't make anyone think that you are intelligent. Id love to destroy you.
Jeffrey Goodwill
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
quoting Mr. Goodwill: "Seeing how I have a three year old son fagot I obviously get laid plent."

Jeffrey, thank you for that, that truly made my day.
[e]
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
please don't talk about fucking my girlfriend in the ass, she didn't do anything to you, and niether did I. thanks.
Levi
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Apparently Jeffrey is unaware that one must only have sex once to have/cause a pregnancy...you don't actually have to get "laid plent." Oh and is your son a 3 year old "fagot" or are you calling sledg a "fagot?" Oh yeah...take Sledg's tips because he is infinitely tougher than you.
Chrystal
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Well dipshits. The statement that I have a 3 year old son does leave room for the possibility that I could have only had sex once, but you people are so ignorant that you didn't realize THATS THE POINT. That comment was to counter your "virgin" statement, the comment about getting laid plenty was a seperate statement that was thrown into the sentence with no intent on any previous statement to justify the truth in it. I do apologize for the "ass fucking" comment. Regardless of our conflict here, that comment was not called for considering the "victim" of the statement is not involved. Basically, I apologize for this whole mess, I have a temper that is ridiculous. I wasn't actually "browsing for bitches" when I had written that letter. I was actually doing research for school and came across her picture and I couldn't help but be taken aback. I guess what I should have written whenever my initial statement was posted is: "Whoever is dating the girl on this page is a very lucky man. She is beautiful. Period." Please don't mistake this as me "being a pussy" now, because I can be stubborn and persistent in the continuence of idiotic and useless "posting retaliations". That's just how I am. Or should I say, hopefully was. I decided to just try to see things from my "oppostitions" perspective because I think that is the only way to reach a logical and healthy outlook. So, if I were you and that was my girlfriend and someone wrote asking to talk to her...then I probably would have said similar to what you said, only I would done so in an email instead of putting your name out there. Anyways, does she have a sister?... just kidding guys. Later
Jeffrey M. Goodwill
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
you are still a chimo.
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
and i did write you an email and you wrote me back a pussy ass retort. Jeffrey Goodwill = CHIMO
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
i hope jeffrey Goodwill doesn't chime out on his three year old son.
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
yeah! jeffrey is a CHIMOTIC CHIMO!
slappy
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Jeffrey -- thanks for the clarification. i don't put any restrictions on what people post, so sometimes it gets out of hand. don't listen to sledg, he's actually only 14 and he lives in his grandparent's basement, so he doesn't get out much (thus his carnal need to start internet fights). he has an afro too, which destroys his cred. again, thanks for the explanation, it is much appriciated.
[e]
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
he's a chimo
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Funny thing is...I actually JUST read the posts on this site. Until today I didn't even know what it was about. But seeing some info on Maynard caught my eye and seeing how Tool and APC are the only bands (besides Alice in Chains and the occasional Candlebox, Nirvana, Guns N Roses, and Smashing Pumpkins) that enter my CD player these days, you have to be cool in my book. And I know I am going to catch some ridicule for this...but what the hell is "chimo"?
Jeffrey Goodwill
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
child molester
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
but never mind, your cool enough, I just like calling people chimo's. nevermind nevermind nevermind.
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
chimo: stupid slang term invented by sledg, abreviated version of CHIld-MOlester.

on a side note, maynard is the biggest douchebag ever, but for some odd reason, that man is my hero.
[e]
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
its okay, eric is a chimo too. He loves those young chicks.
sledg
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
sledg, i want to shoot you so bad my dick is hard.
[e]
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Ahh, I see. That's pretty funny. In prison they call them "skinners" And they refer to underage girls as "skin beef" I think the term skinner is more amusing considering that the principle from the Simpson's is named Skinner and he works with children.
Jeffrey Goodwill
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
i think we should start a movement to spread the use of prison-slang.
[e]
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Hey could you guys remove this post please? I don't like this popping up when my name is typed in. I would appreciate the favor. Thanks.
Jeffrey Goodwill
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm
Although now instead of showing up at like number 12 on Google, its at number one. Oh well.
JG
Wednesday 09 February 2005 at 5:46 pm

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