there is so much that i just want to spill, vent, rant, divulge, whatever, and i don't know what to say. i don't know how to say it, i don't know where to start, i don't know what "it" is. but it's there. it's like this big weight that sitting right in the middle of my chest, keeping me down, but i don't know how to get rid of it.

so many people told me last semester that i didn't seem like debbie anymore, i didn't seem happy anymore. i'm not. i'm debbie on permanent "pause," as carmen's mom likes to refer to it. i can't pull out of it, i can't go back, i can't go forward, i'm just stuck here in this one spot. and it seems like more and more crap is piling up.

don't worry, this won't turn into a fifteen paragraph blog from me whining about my life. my life is fine, it's just me. i don't know. it's like there's this season of unsettled unhappiness that's set it... or maybe it's just me.

i'm taking off tomorrow morning, no turning back (but maybe a pit-stop in eugene). hopefully i won't die on the nasty roads. we'll see. i'll let you know when i've reached the north safely.

until then.....