i remembered the other day what my very first post on endysis was about. i was in fred meyer and i saw these little boys swindling money out of people. seriously, they were faking being poor or homeless or whatever and little old ladies were giving them quarters and whatnot so that they could "eat dinner" that night. ten minutes later, their mom comes walking towards them, with a weeks worth of groceries. they weren't poor, they weren't homeless, they just wanted to see if they could get the money. and they did.

now i'm here, in ecuador, and every time i go walking down the street these little children, dirty and dressed in rags, come walking up to me with boxes of gum, looking at me with these desperate faces saying "compre chicle, por favor. señorita, por favor, lo compre..."

please buy gum, miss. please, buy gum.

today one little boy followed nicki and i for five blocks. he was so small, maybe four years old, and he had to literally run to keep up with our walking pace. the whole time, "por favor, señorita. por favor"

it kills me. when i watched those little boys at freddy's, i remember thinking to myself that, for as horrible as that is, i almost wish i had been ballsy enough to try and pull a stunt like that when i was little. but now.... i hate going out and seeing these children, these people, everywhere i look. selling gum is their source of income. the little boys that run around with their little wooden shoeshine kits, barefoot and dyed black because all day they are trying to earn a quarter by shining up the shoes of some men...

i hate that when these people look at me they see some rich american, someone who has "the life" (whatever that life is) and all they can do is beg, hoping i'll have some spare change.

but even if i gave a quarter to every little kid who asked me, what about the next day? they'd still be stuck in the same situation, and i can't do anything about it.

i love it down here. i'm having the time of my life... in some respect. but at the same time, i want so badly to be in oregon where i don't have to see this, don't have to think about how much i have when others have so little. it's easier to ignore it there. here, it's almost unavoidable.


siempre.....

painful is the word

curlingiron

Saturday 22 January 2005 at 3:05 pm

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