I don't know if this makes any sense. I have been in a weird place lately. I am constanly searching for fullfillment. Drinking, smoaking, collecting, fantasying about the future, all my same habits. I have had many thoughts of good and bad, right and rong, human nature, my nature. All the usual stuff. I have not been writing them down which is ok. It leaves me less clear, but gives me room to jump from different beliefs before I have fully thought them out. Suddenly I find a belief system that I just believe because It is what I remember, It is what stuck with me. i like to do this from time to time, but it is very confusing. Writing keeps what I think I am clear. I like this too. I wonder if in this time of change I will opt for puting my thought in stone, or letting them be written? (This is all to a less minimal extent than I make it seem).
So I have been thinking that we should have a big ol party at Lazerbeams. I have not fully thought it out. There could be consequences. But our neighbors could also show us the respect that we have shown them this last...I don't know, year. I just saw the white haired lady with the green car in the culta-sack. You know the one. She looked away at, at nothing, then eventually looked over. I looked up and said how is it going. And I don't know what else happened in the 6 words words we just spoke. (allright, good night)? But I felt like she really felt angry to have to talk to me. So i truned away and walked. It was what I would consider rude. You know what I deserver more respect than that. I do not feel bad about kissing ass, because I see where our neighbors are coming from, but I expect a pleasent smile now and then, not a "I fuckin hate you smile". Well I am blowing things out of porportion, but I do not want to denie us a going away party, a good party at our house, like we used to have but better, because I don't want to piss that lady off.
Well that is all, I love all of you out there. Goodnight.
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