I have a tendence to want more than what I have got. This is true for many things, posessions, food, money, happyness, love, strength, ect. But right now I am thinking about girls. Though I have had very few sexual relationships with wemem, the ones I have had and the relationships with girls who are my friends, have been very good. But my mind rarely examins this or takes note of it. There is always somethig better right? Rong! When I think about what I could have, it only makes me sad, or apprehensive NOW. And when I think back on the past, when I think this was better, again NOW I feel a lack of the things that are better.

The truth is that when I feel good NOW, at this moment, that is when things are at their best. When I can think of a girl that I like and feel good about our relationship - Whatever that be - then things are at their best. Or when I can think about what has not happened with a girl. Or not be able to think of a girl, a special girl in my life, because there are none. And I can still be happy. This is when things are at their best. I would even go so far as to say that when I can think of any one of thiese things and feel sad, but accept it. Things are at their best.

As I think about my life sometimes I do think of things that could be. But quickly they become things that could have been. I don't want to do this. So when I think of the girls in my life, and of the relationships I have with them, I may still remenice of the past or wonder of what will, be and this is ok. As longs as I am still happy. As long as I stop and say, "who am I right now, and where am I". What I don't need is this thing called EXPECTATION to put bars around my future. My future has yet to be written. But what I feel and what I am NOW has been written, on the pages of the universe, on the back of god's hand. I think it is a good story. I wonder what direction it will take next.

Be Happy with What You Got

jonR

Saturday 17 July 2004 at 8:31 pm

One comment

Just go with the flow fella, trying to understand everything that happens in your existence will only drive you and the ones you love crazy...don't seperate your body from your mind.
a friend
Saturday 17 July 2004 at 8:31 pm

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