For the first time in my life, I am determined to take the opportunity to start with a clean slate in the new calendar year. 2012 was a roller coaster ride of mostly bad with some good. I need to have the next year be a positive one. It’s been years since I have had a good year.

A lot of what needs to happen for me involves me personally. I need to finally get healthy in every aspect of my life, and I am the only one who can get myself there.

The last month or two, I have gotten into the habit of looking for fulfillment in being around others. I have experienced extreme loneliness and erratic behavior as a result of this. The erratic behavior coming from mass consumption of alcohol. HEAVY HEAVY Drinking.

There have been some fun times for sure, but the negative usually outweighs the positive. And the negative has left me in a constant cycle of feeling shame and remorse when I wake up in the morning after a night of getting plastered. Mostly out of embarrassment but also because of the effects of my actions on others. None of it has been malicious, but some of it has been careless and inconsiderate. Some of it has hurt people I care about very much. I don’t like being the person who does that to people and I take it seriously.

I am so disappointed in myself.

So, heres to chilling on the booze, and finding my happiness within. It’s a pleasure orbiting around the sun with you guys and you all mean the world to me. Let’s have a safe and healthy and happy 2013.

Love,
Ian