Kind of a lot going on for me. Id like to make this first entry about silly stuff. about the video game i was playing last night with little sock puppets. or the sex i had this morning. but it doesnt seem important right now.
I feel like life is going a bit crazy. i have to make some decisions. first and formost is drinking. Im a drunk. i like being a drunk. i like not giving a fuck and going wild. and i think im pretty fun when drinking. but i keep waking up with this bad feeling in my chest. its like i did something very wrong the night before but cant remember it. even if i ask the people i was with and they say everyting was fine....why am i waking up with this feeling!
Did I tell you guys I bought an iphone...that is right, me jon raby with an iphone. seri set my alarm for me... it is awesome, or it was awsome i should say. The other morning i woke up at about 6 am at a party. i had probably only slept about an hour and i knew something was wrong. I couldnt find this phone that i had now owned for 2 days. some occupie fuck stole it from me. i remember very little from the night, but know i was telling these guys that they were tools. Black pants and black denium jackets with red armbands that said occupie. we'er hard its what i think they were saying, but i kept hearing them talk about their bank of america bank accounts or pop music and i kept calling them on it. Thoes are the flashed that i can pull out of my memory. But i dont know how mad i made them, and i dont know how well i read them. All i know is i drank my memory away, and i should not have been at the party once i realized how shitty the guests were.
Also this morning my friend asked me if i would go to AA with him. I know that aa wont be right for me. Im not going to become a hardcore christian and talk about using. But me and my friend seem to be in the same boat. Time to really self analyze and see how hard it will be to fix the problem.
I think i need to travel too, but i decided yesterday that i wont go to japan, or at least only for a little while. I think the radiation is too high. but im not content. Im so board with life. I need to travel. I need change. I need something important. I just dont know what it is.
Maybe to thoes who know me this all seems like iv said this before. but im such a different person now. I have evolved. its just this central problem i have. I dont want to participate in the business world. I want to participate in the world we cant see. the one we can only feel. I love the way I precieve reality and i need to hold onto it. Alcohol has been helpful to me in that way. So I guess i should thank it. but its time to cut it back or i may have to cut it out.
I love you all,
thank you
jon
I encourage you to try it, if you continue to feel the way you do.
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