Back in the days of high school, I had a fierce crush on this girl. I was young and somewhat (see also: wholly) inexperienced with women, so, despite her glaring flaws as a human, I eagerly jumped through the hoops she tossed about, all under the guise of "let's just be friends." Wishful thinking motivated me to continue the pursuit. My efforts were rewarded with a few kisses here and there.

After two months or so of this horseshit, she started hanging out with another guy. We shall call him Mr. Klinefelter. I objected, of course, but she stated that they too were "just friends". I know the transitive property of friends states that I should have been friends with him as well, but that was not the case.

Klinefelter was an emancipated minor, which meant that he had his own apartment. Klinefelter also had a lot of friends. Thusly, there were many parties at this apartment. And this girl, she liked to party.

Finally, I got fed up of this two-timing "friend" bullshit. I wouldn't be waiting in the wings for her to grace me with her attention. I confronted her and expressed my feelings, but somwhere along the way, things backfied. She ended up losing her virginity to Mr. Klinefelter that very night. Awesome.

I was all busted up about this. The world was a cold, dead place to me -- for about a month, then I found some other girl to chase. I haven't really thought about her since.

Flash forward 10 or so years and she finds me on one of those shitty social networks. I graciously decline her request to be friends, but I peruse her profile. Since we last spoke, she's pushed out two kids, which has destroyed her figure (probably added on 100+ lbs). She's got a few (lame) tattoos and a lot of (really lame) piercings. She still lives in the same (shitty) town. She listens to Korn. She drinks shitty beer. Her finance is a welder (no joke) who competes in what looks to be really-really-really low budget motocross competitions.

As a true American hero once said: some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

Fuck the Internet

eric

Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm

Six comments

garth knows.
Levi
Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm
please tell me that girl in the picture isn't the one from the story...?
jonk
Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm
Sweet Jesus, no, not the same girl. Merely a random picture.
//eff
Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm
Those who are less acquainted with your proclivity for posting unsightly photos could conceivably have come to the same conclusion, I hate to say. The photo in question is not sufficiently random considering this post's subject matter (although a caption may have sufficed). That may be none of your concern; I mean, it's been a few years since Ian was actively protesting emo haircuts, so I doubt there are many strange visitors to this site. Still, these disgusting, "random" photos are already so endemic to the internet that they're practically routine (as opposed to random). So, yeah… personally, I don't see the point.

Having said that, NBFC is still pretty cool. (And yet I've seen it elsewhere. Trust me, though--I don't go looking for this shit.) However, the best photos are those which you can actually take credit for.
James
Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm
Point taken. No more windowlicker.

James. I agree. More original content is needed. Thanks for the words.
// eff
Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm
we both know there's no more original content to be posted to the web, eric.
jonk
Sunday 22 February 2009 at 7:13 pm

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