The backstory is that Fred, a karate master, saw some coverage of UFC 1 in a magazine. He wanted to participate in UFC 2, as he had become disenfranchised with traditional 'point fighting' that was so commonplace in 1994. The Persian Dojo Syndicate ran unchecked in the early 1990s and had turned mid-level karate competitions into a mockery of what they once were. Well, Fred Ettish had had enough. Reaching for his own personal UFC rainbow, he wrote a really nice letter to the head of the UFC, Wilford Pickleton IV.
Wilford grasped his pipe and furrowed his brow further, as to bring the monocle closer to his pale eye. He read the letter and immediately threw his pipe aside as he grabbed the corldess phone out of it's cradle. With gusto, he dialed Fred's number and explained that the event was completely booked, but would keep him in mind for UFC 3.
However, the fates demanded that Fredly be able to show his ultimate fighting techniques, as they would likely become an inspiration to a whole new generation of fight-fighters (jumpfighters?). A few days later, Mr. Pickleton heard news by way of telegramiphone that Ken Shamrock had broken his goddamn hand while dovetailing two pieces of salvaged timber from a local mill that had shut down in the early 60s. He was making a box. A box to hold things most precious.
With Ken out of the running, an alternate had to be found. Fred Ettish would be that alternate.
Fred was paid $1000 plus travel and boarding to participate. He packed his 5 black belts and his mustache in a Bill Blass duffel bag that was given to him the previous Christmas and set off for Denver. When his aeroplane landed, he ate at an Cinnabon, strapped his five black belts on and gave his mustache a lucky eskimo kiss before affixing it to his face in the back of a cab. He checked in to his hotel, watched some Andy Griffith rerun on TV, walked to the McDonalds down the block, took a shower, tried to masturbate but fell asleep instead, thinking about sweep kicks, geometric shapes (rhombus vs. octagon) and the glorious chance to show off his god-given fight-fighting gift.
dude, i finally made the switch to ubuntu! i been sudo'ing shit for like an hour now!
ps. I dont know what ubunutu is but I hear about it on digg all the fuckin time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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