Well, as it turns out, I recently went through an extraction and did significant post-op research and am now equipped to answer the above question. I've also decided to share a few of my tips to deal with the traumatic process.
Wisdom typically teeth develop between the ages of 16 and 25, which is why they are called "Wisdom" teeth -- apparently, ancient gypsy magicians used to possess a secret incantation to give the subject a great deal of wisdom. This spell could only be issued if the vessel was pure of conscious and between the ages of 16 and 25. The only downside to this wisdom spell is that for every lie you have ever told, a small piece of calcium attaches itself to your MOUTH BONEZ. This happens because gypsy ghosts hate everything gifted with the wonderful gift of life and seek to punish those who possess living wisdom. The gypsys made one fatal error, however. They used the spell too much. Eventually, the wisdom of our great, great, great grandfathers would become our own through the only proven instance of evolution in modern history.
Back before the days of 'easy' extraction, people would just leave their crooked-ass, rotting teeth in, causing them great pain and fucking awful breath. In some cases, infection would spread and cause permanent swelling, discoloration and even death. In the early 1930s, purposefully inducing swelling actually became a fad with the young kids of this era. They called themselves "The 13th Block Anemia Dandies" and could be found doing all sorts of hoodrat things, like heisting dirigibles and smoking with cigarettes.
Now, thanks to the internet and computers, wisdom tooth extraction is as easy as bloody-gauze pie drizzled with savory rotting gum plasma.
Normally, the process starts by going to your money-hungry dentist. He will do some X-RAYS (again, invented by gypsy magicians) and see those little pockets of lies in your gums. The only thing dentists lust for more than pain is money, and wisdom tooth extraction is spendy stuff, partially because the tools involved are expensive.
After each tooth is removed, a small spider is placed in the hole. This spider will spin a web, which traps blood and causes it to clot. This allows healing to begin quickly. Once the clot is in place, the spider climbs out of the hole in your sleep and returns to the denist (aka the SPIDERMASTER). Every once and awhile, the spider will lay thousands of eggs in the hole. These eggs eventually hatch and the brood feed on the clot. This is what causes dry socket. Spiders.
After you go home, there are 7 tips you should follow to ensure quick healing:
1 -- Blunt force trauma to the mouth really drains you of precious nutrients. Ensure that your body has the fuel it needs by eating as many red vines, chik-o-stiks and pieces of fresh salt-water taffy as you can.
2 -- Removing the tooth lets the little pockets in your gums collect evil (evil is attracted to where the lies used to be). Ensure the evil doesn't burrow in too deeply by enducing serious hot-cold regiments. Saunas and supersoakers filled with ice & salt & water works well.
3 -- Blood clots require blood to start clotting. Help your mouth and circulation out -- jog briskly for 30 to 45 minutes to get your heart rate up.
4 -- Sleep with your head below the rest of your body. Because, as I have already told you, blood clots require blood to start clotting.
5 -- Frequently brush the holes. No one likes dirty holes.
6 -- Don't change gauze. The dentist will cast a spell of perseverance on the gauze before you leave. Changing it will leave your soul open to the devil's temptation.
7 -- Don't talk to gypsys. This one is really more of a life lesson, but it's very applicable here. Gypsies consider the tooth-hole spiders a delicacy and will quickly snatch them from your swollen orifice.
After about 3 weeks of constant bleeding, things should start to shape up. At this point, there's not much else to do, other than pull your stitches out. The best method for this is to use a fishhook and some pliers.
I hope this informative guide has helped you understand a little bit more about the strange chunks of calcium that form in our soft tissue. As always, when facing the most challenging of challenges, trust your heart and you shall succeed.
XOXOXOXOX.
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