I'm learning that it's important to express to people how you feel about them. If you love someone, that's wonderful, and it's wonderful to tell them that, but show them. Show them every way possible. Otherwise it may never be more than just words to them, and when you run into something real, something hard, something major, they'll need a lot more than just words to fall back on. They're going to have to see that you mean everything you've ever said, and then some.
I'm learning that sometimes you have to accept that what's done is done. If you fucked up, that sucks, and it's too bad you can't call for a re-do. But if you fucked up, the only thing to do is appologize, try to right the wrong, and pray like hell the affected party will see just how heartfelt your appology is.
I'm learning that if you feel really strongly about something, you have to fight for it. Because if you haven't got anything you're willing to go all-out, balls-to-the-walls for, what have you really got?
I'm learning that at times I am painfully selfish and self-rightous. I may not see it in myself at the moment, but then I look back and become fully aware of it's presence in my character. I need to make a more conscious effort to eliminate that part of me.
I'm learning that I need to be willing to flex. I am a planner; I love seeing what is going to happen, trying to control the who/what/where/when/whathaveyou, but at the end of the day, it's nothing more than luck if it all falls into place.
I'm learning that I need to be open, honest, sincere, and forthright with those people who I interact with closely in my life. No guessing games, no assuming they'll figure it out, no assuming I'll figure out what's going on in their heads... To be open and up-front from the get-go.
It's now 2007. If I could go back to 2006 with these lessons in mind, I wonder how the new year may have started differently.
So early in the new year, and so many lessons being learned already. I'm almost afraid to find out how much else I'll be learning this year.
always.....
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