wow. how strange to be back. i work and i sleep a lot, i play guitar a lot, i don't each much anymore. i've lost 7 pounds in the last 2 weeks, i havn't weighed this much (152) since my sophomore or junior year in highschool. wow.

but yeah, i've been working in the mall a lot, which sucks ass. i hate it, but it keeps me busy. i'm haunted by her, her words, her actions. i think i'm getting better, but everyonce and awhile these visions creep into my head. i wish she would have done something so unforgivable, so horrid that i ceased to love her, because now, under the current circumstances, i have all this love, but nowhere to put it.

but, so far, the best moment in these last few weeks: ian (beanie) and i, driving through residential ashland, both a little buzzed, listening to zappa (specifically 'peaches en regalia') laughing our asses off. i don't really recall what was so funny, but the music and the bumpiness of my pickup (bean commented that it felt like 'mr. toad's wild ride') was just making us laugh, hysterically. every bump, it grew.

it sounds lame, but every little bit counts.

i love you all.