I have made the conscious decision to accept the fact that my life has not amounted to what I had in mind, that I am not as smart/creative as I thought I was, and that I am always going to let white people problems get to me.
That is who I am, and I am done being frustrated that I am not different than that. I'm tired of worrying about disappointing people, and in turn disappointing myself.
No more worrying about failure. No more caring if someone else considers me a failure. I am a failure, but I am going to try to succeed. I'm ready to go ahead and start crawling out of this tar pit, no matter how many times I get pulled back in. I'm already stuck in it, and it really isn't too bad, so falling back here will never be a problem.
For the last 3 years I have been acting like someone who is crippled, and I forgot that I could walk. I'm going to walk, even if it is clumsy, and unsure, and the wrong way.
I'm 30 years old. There is no reason for me to feel my life is over. Yet for the last 3 years, I have been acting like I have a terminal illness.
Time to be a big kid and stop whining. Depression is horrible, but unhappiness is worse.
I can choose to be happy at least. I can do this. Focus. Keep my eyes on the prize. Work. Breathe Deep. Relax. Push. Focus. Focus. Focus. Don't pay attention to the past. Breathe. Focus. Work. Focus. Keep my eyes on the prize. Focus.