endysis dot org - fueled by fingers. and keyboards.

Its Hot Muthaphuckaz! pt. 2

posted by ian on Wednesday 28 July 2004

get on it.

it's a good train.

what a fucking day. fucked me up like a carcrash. fucking split shift (i can't say 'no' to my boss). 11-3 / 6-11. that shit sucks.

during my 3-hour lunchbreak, i went to guitar center. i played some 'botch' style metal for awhile. there was a mom there, she kept giving me the ol' 'stink-eye.' anyway, while chosing my guitar of choice (settled on an ESP custom shred-machine), i saw a guy, wearing an 'NWO' sleeveless shirt and a backwards hat with the stylized '3' on it (we miss you dale). anyway, it wouldn't have been so bad, but this guy was staring up at the wall of guitars, which happened to be the 'ass-metal' guitars as i like to call them, the BC riches, the jackson Vs, the 7 string ibanezes. it was a precious moment. i reached for my cameraphone but the guy moved along.

it was serene.

work sucks, i have thursday off, cheap drink night at the creek tomorrow -- prefunk at lazerbeams, BYO40s.

anyway, more later, now, i'm off to bed.

ps - wr222 is coming to visit! can. not. wait.

posted by on Wednesday 28 July 2004

Its hot muthaphuckaz!

posted by ian on Tuesday 27 July 2004

the low point of my life, three (by Eli Allman)

This is a special post for me due to a recent event concerning my brother Ben. The scene begins in Bakersfield California at the Centinial Elementary school bus stop. The sharpely handsome first grader by the name of "Eli" awaits his transportation.

posted by sarah on Sunday 25 July 2004

Today

It has been a really good day, but could have gone the other way too. I woke up to my alarm at eight am, at wispys from some hard partying. A few minutes later wispy came in an told me I was late for work. "I work at nine" I smirked. "Yea it is ten!" OH SHIT.

But no one was mad, and i had a great day at work. Hung over and stupid. I did little work and much sitting and making stupid comments. Great. And i talked to this guy marshal i work with. Told him I was glad he was learning the line, and that at first i was scared he was going to steal my job, but that that was a stupid thing to fear. I think he understood what I meant.

Then I stayed late and we did the first three person close down, instead of the regular two. Then at around 3:45 I was taking out the garbage. I was swinging the bag next to my leg, and felt something as the bag brushed my calf. I looked down to find a cut on my leg, a big cut, with blood slowly emerging from it. I was so confused I took off my shoe so not to get blood on my sock. Then realized that was not sanitary and fumbled it back on and ran inside and wrapped a washcloth around my leg. It was fucking deep. I wasn't going to go the the hospital thought, until Marshal said, "idon't know man, that is like you fatty tissue, that wont heal up" , so I got the rest of the day off of work.

At the hospital I was very calm but talkative, maybe because i was in shock a little bit. Anyways the doc was cool. he stiched me up while i watched, and truthfully I could probably feel it a bit more than I was suposed to because I hurt. Then he gave me some tools and told me how to pull out the stiches myself because that was what I wanted. All in all, that was pretty cool, oh yea and I don't have to shower for a few days, doctors orders.

At home I told all my bro's and ho's.... um yea. Then I sat outside and wondered if it would rain. It did, so i layed in it for a bit, but went inside so as to not get my bandage wet. But i watced it pour for about ten minutes. It was really nice. Big ol drops, that fluxuated, hard then soft.

Now I will go to bed, all my buds are at the bar, and though I wanted to go with them, Truthfully I didn't becuse I don't like that kind of setting, I feel insecure there. So having to go to sleep is a nice excuse.

So why such a good day, or why is my view that it was a good day. Well, there can only be one reason. It is Eric's birthday. Hey Eric, happy birthday mother fucker. YOu Rockj!!! Yea that is right rock-e-ja.

posted by on Saturday 24 July 2004

dude

I AM THE DRUNK.

wow. you don't even know. man.

talk to you tomorrow, okay.

YEAH!>

//MORNING AFTER EDIT: so, my head hurts, but not that bad. my eyes hurt the most. i started the night out at wispy's place, he threw a little party for me, it was pretty neat. at midnight, i met my parents at omars for drinks. jeryl was kind enough to keep a running tally of my drinks.

01- 22oz st pauly
02- 40oz pabst
03- seagrams 7 shot
04- jack shot
05- sex on the beach (i don't know who ordered this one, but i drank it anyways)
06- mirror pond
07- tequilla shot
08- 3-wise-man shot
09- mirror pond
10- 40oz steel reserve

dang. i got a ride home from wispy's with some highschool girls that i don't know. i think i made fun of them a lot.

what a dang good night.

posted by on Saturday 24 July 2004

¶ | four comments

basic...

No, I'm not dead yet. Nor have I been brainwashed. I'm still me, only a little stinkier, a little more frustrated & with a little more money. So far basic is okay, definately not as hard as I expected. The hardest part has been dealing with the stupid people I'm surrounded by. And believe me, there are a lot of them. I looks like I won't be home until October now, so I'm hoping Endysis will still be around be then (Eric don't let it crash and burn please! Just joking, I know you've got it running quite smoothly).

Well, I miss reading the daily ramblings of all you shiny, happy people. Oh, if only I could make daily posts from this place...

Don't miss me too much. If anyone cares to write me, email my brother for the address (j6stik@hotmail.com).

always.....

posted by curlingiron on Thursday 22 July 2004

A little exctitment

So I am going to go to Europe. Not for a while though. In January. The last two days I have been gettin pretty exicited about it. I bought some clothes today. Cold whether clothes because there are parts of Europe that are fucking freezing in January. This seems exciting to me too. I hate the cold, but for some reason, havign to live on the street, and walk around in it is something that I want to do, maybe because I never have. I have had some fears about the trip too. Socializing is not easy for me, so I wonder how I will do with people from another country, in their country. Maybe I wont even do that much socializing, or maybe i will just do it when I feel good. Maybe I will be hated in another country. Maybe they will like my additude, maybe both. There is just so much not to know that it is scary, but knowing that I don't know is what is relaxing me. There are so many different things that could happen to me, so I had just better not contemplate them.

Still I cant complain about contemplaiting, because that is what is getting me siched. I want to pack light. Live from a relitivley light bag, because I wont be taking it off to much so it had better not be too big, and becuase I am a pack rat. You know those girls who take way to much shit on vacation. Some clothes, two pairs of shoes, five books that i don't even read one of. Just in case shit. I will regret that after about two days of packing it around.

I am real happy to get good clothes, light warm, high quality ones. I may want to do some back-packing when I get back. Maybe I will be in the ruiens of acient south american civilations next year. Or sleeping on the pacific crest trail. Or, who knows? Why even contemplaite it, because who knows what will happen.

Well I guess that is it, for now, but hey it is good to be excited for a change, excited enough that i am not afraid of my fear.

posted by on Wednesday 21 July 2004

love like a movie.

wispy is a bitch.

day off day today. it was wonderful. woke up at 11, took a shower, watched a movie, took a nap, talked to ms.wr222(she's a foxxx) and found myself on the internet. i'm living my dream of utter and complete laziness.

but, not really, i've been working a lot, i hate my job, but we have a new manager these days. he's a fucking great guy, i respect him, so i actually put forth some effort. perfect example: yesterday, i had to work a split shift 8am-12noon / 9pm-1am. now, generally, i would be pissed, but, on this occasion, it wasn't that bad. actually, the second part of my shift was fucking fun -- something work has not been in a long time.

so, the countdown is on. my birthday is on saturday. the big 21. i'm already bracing/flinching for the anticlimactic nature of it. should be good fun though. i think that wispy, my roomie, is throwing me a party at his house on friday, so, all of you, you are cordially invited. rock and roll.

so, basically, i got hooked on myspace. it's fucking great -- i keep running into people i havn't talked to in years, it's great fun. if anyone wants to add me to their list or whatever, czech me out here.

anyway, that'll do it for now. i love you all.

ps - do you ever get the feeling that your perfect verse is just a lie?

posted by on Wednesday 21 July 2004

Be Happy with What You Got

I have a tendence to want more than what I have got. This is true for many things, posessions, food, money, happyness, love, strength, ect. But right now I am thinking about girls. Though I have had very few sexual relationships with wemem, the ones I have had and the relationships with girls who are my friends, have been very good. But my mind rarely examins this or takes note of it. There is always somethig better right? Rong! When I think about what I could have, it only makes me sad, or apprehensive NOW. And when I think back on the past, when I think this was better, again NOW I feel a lack of the things that are better.

The truth is that when I feel good NOW, at this moment, that is when things are at their best. When I can think of a girl that I like and feel good about our relationship - Whatever that be - then things are at their best. Or when I can think about what has not happened with a girl. Or not be able to think of a girl, a special girl in my life, because there are none. And I can still be happy. This is when things are at their best. I would even go so far as to say that when I can think of any one of thiese things and feel sad, but accept it. Things are at their best.

As I think about my life sometimes I do think of things that could be. But quickly they become things that could have been. I don't want to do this. So when I think of the girls in my life, and of the relationships I have with them, I may still remenice of the past or wonder of what will, be and this is ok. As longs as I am still happy. As long as I stop and say, "who am I right now, and where am I". What I don't need is this thing called EXPECTATION to put bars around my future. My future has yet to be written. But what I feel and what I am NOW has been written, on the pages of the universe, on the back of god's hand. I think it is a good story. I wonder what direction it will take next.

posted by on Saturday 17 July 2004

A cook? A Party? A swimming Pool?

Yesterday I got a recipe off of the internet, and made it. It was called Lentil shepards pie or something. I don't know if you know that I am now a prep-cook at my work, and have been putting a lot of energy into that. I like it. I feel good about cooking and have been thinking about going down that line for a future career. I don't know if I really want to dedicate too much time to this, but for now it is fun, and is a great skill to have. So doing that cooking on my own felt good, it felt very productive. I want to do it again. the funny thing is, i doubt that anyone would really like what I made. It was pretty bland, with no meat or chese, or other "tasty things". But truthfully I could care less if someone else liked the taste or not. The food I like to make, is more about health, than taste, and this tastes good to me. This may hurt my cooking future.

Well that is really it. I am off to Whispy's parents house. I haven't been to a party there in a while. I havent been to a party in a while in general, so you know what that means...I am going to get biligerant, and anoying. I cant. Wait.

Swimming Pool is a great! movie!

posted by on Friday 16 July 2004

Squaw Lake...

It's so nice to be able to drive not so far away and be at a beautiful, peaceful, and quite lake. The water is perfect and the sun is hot. I love it. I miss the beach, but if I ever moved back to San Jose I think I would miss this more. Kaden loves the water it's funny as hell, he just starts walking out in the lake and doesn't stop, even when his head starts to go under, silly boy. It's amazing how kids have no fear. The first time we took him up there he just ran out into the water and jumped in. Eli had to go pull him out, Kaden was just waiting patiently for someone to come get him, not that it took longer the a second but still. He justs trusts that we will be there to help him. He's starting to learn how to hold his breath underwater, he thinks thats pretty cool.
Where has Eric been? I miss your posts you slacker!...

posted by sarah on Thursday 15 July 2004

life during wartime

this ain't no party, this ain't no disco.

i really don't have anything to say, but i thought that i should post -- i'm starting to have second thoughts...

posted by on Thursday 15 July 2004

Fire Pit

posted by on Wednesday 14 July 2004

¶ | three comments

Of Krumping

Krumping Sux
a poem by
sledg "gina taint" brainerd

posted by ian on Tuesday 13 July 2004

¶ | 80 comments

Protection

Here are two viewponints on life. The first is written by me. The second is by a man named Jeffrey Sawyer from an unpublished book about walking all over north america for years and what he learned from it.

posted by on Tuesday 13 July 2004

too young tallon, too young...

Nothing much is going on. We went and picked a bunch of blackberries today... anyone want some pie? This Krumping thing is getting way out of control. You "krumpers" are fucking retarded (that is not meant to insult the retarded community). Don't you have anything better to do with your life then post on this site. Get a fucking life.
My sister Liz and her friend Rose are staying the night tonight, so is Tallon. Humm... maybe i should lock him in the pantry?? Just kidding Tallon. Not really...

posted by sarah on Monday 12 July 2004

¶ | twelve comments

the low point of my life, two (by Eli Allman)

It was a hot August day in Bakersfield California. I had just finished watching the macho-man beat the shit out of hulk hogan, when I decided to go outside for a pee. Being only 4 years old I walked out the door, stood on the grass and started pissing...

posted by sarah on Sunday 11 July 2004

School

I really don't like shcool you know that. I really don't have a postiive feeling about going back. Maybe it is because of my asperations in school. I doo look to what my deploma will look like, my major, this is stupid for me. Because my whole reason for goning to school is to gain knowledge, so i take all of the classes where they tell you what it is, instead of the classes where you get to do what you want. Creative writing was cool. but this is really the only class. I think part of it is my taurus rising sign. I am unwining to accept anyone elses knowledge as true. Only i know what is true, (which is true in some respects, but not with knowledge) I just don't like bei9ng told...anything. I should really get over this, learn to learn what my teachers have to offer, and retain what i like... or I should drop out of school and learn what i like. But on my own i lack motivation. It is a battle with in Jon. , hope i figure it out or school will be a tough thing to get through.

posted by on Sunday 11 July 2004

I want an iPod

posted by ian on Sunday 11 July 2004

lets concentrate on drinking.

i'm doing it. i'm doing exactly what i wanted to do this summer -- work a shitty job and be a fucking bum. it's great. i watch a lot of movies, drink a fair amount of beer, play a lot of marvel vs. capcom 2 and sleep a lot. it's not an exciting existance, but hey, it's fucking grand.

i am kind of excited to get back up to school. not that i don't love ashland and all my friends, but corvallis, man, i don't know, i love that place. it's got an amazing vibe to it, plus, being a student is fucking great. i can't wait to start my job as the diversions editor for the newspaper, i can't wait to take some more computer science classes (3 next term!) and i can't wait to party like nothin'. should be fun.

speaking of work, it fucking kills me. it's been bad in the past, but this time around, it's seriously hard for me to handle. dealing with people in a retail setting is fucking murder. i don't even try anymore, which is funny, because i still have better sales statistics than a lot of the people that work there. my coworkers are pretty fun, but man, it sucks. at least i get to play the music i want.

anyway, back to MvC2...

posted by on Friday 09 July 2004

¶ | five comments

Vote Damit...

So my friend had her child today and as she suspected he was born with some problems. She was on a lot of meds when she got pregnant with him and it cause some birth defects including respiratory problems and that his hands are severely deformed. His father is an awesome musician and so is his whole family, it's a very integral part of that families relationship, so his dad is really torn up about this, which I accually find kind of sad. I wish her the best and hope that he is well, it's always sad to watch people have to deal with things like this, especially when it involves a child. I'm sure he will adjust and overcome, and be fine. I hope.
We saw Fahrenheit 911 a couple weeks ago and it just mad me sad. The things our government gets away with sickens me. Our civil liberties are no longer being upheld. The worst of it is that people actually except this because they would rather be safe. Safe from what? The lies that we are told are outrageous. While no matter who our government consists of I'm sure we will still be lied to. Democracy is not about picking between the two evils but today that is what we are unfortunately faced with. Bush is a liar, another 4 years with him in office will demolish our freedoms and rights, get him out so that maybe one day we will not have to choose the lesser of the two evils but rather the person we feel we want to represent us as a country. Vote! I'm done ranting.
Hey Eric 6 months is good time for me catching up too speed. Now that you mention it though I think I do remember you telling me you had that MP3. E- Mail me those stories I would love to read them, I can't get enough of that guy. If you like him try reading Irving Welsh (sp?) as well, he's a good one too.

posted by sarah on Thursday 08 July 2004

¶ | three comments

Bendable by Jon R

posted by on Thursday 08 July 2004

Good Stuff...

So at this moment in time I'm still really into Chuck Palahniuk, the problem is I've read all of his books (Lullaby, Fight Club, Survivor, Invisible Monsters ect...). So when I heard he was doing a reading of a short story that was making people at his book signings faint I was curious. I kinda forgot about it, until today. Eli has been making fun of me for reading girlie magazines lately, he says I have a "problem" so I went to pick up a magazine today and decided to go with Playboy in order to keep myself from being teased all night. What do you know, the fiction article was "Guts" the story by Chuck that I had been wanting to read. Did it make me pass out? Of course not, but it's an awesome short story I'll tell you that. Anyway I went online and found a link http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html if you like his work you will love this. If you have never heard of him before read it. Also Mike Doughty of Soul Coughing (he has also done a lot of solo work) put out a great poetry book a while back called Slanky that I would recommend anyone who enjoys his lyrics to read. "Sound against the equal sign" is amazing... go find it.

posted by sarah on Wednesday 07 July 2004

¶ | three comments

Hopeless...

The Fourth was fun, that is until I had to go pick up my 14 year old sis from her friends house. She was staying at my house because mom was out of town. I went to go pick her up and she was piss drunk. She's been back in town for 2 days after being sent back to her dad for two weeks for drinking, and shoplifting at Meier and Frank. Her friend's mom was sitting on the porch of their house while all these teenagers were stumbling around drunk in her yard. Either she's stupid or she gave them the alcohol I told myself, turns out she gave them the booze. I don't know what to do about her anymore, nothing gets through to her. You think that after a child does something like this they would be punished, grounded, or something right? Nope not her, she was downtown hanging out with her friends today. She's closing herself off to me, and I don't know what to do to help her.
Good news though, I got a raise! I asked for $1.50 and I got $1.30, how stoked am I?
Kaden had a great Fourth. He watched the fireworks sitting with Zach and I swear It's like watchhing/listening to two, two years olds! It was a really mellow day and a nice night. Nothing too exciting has been going on lately. I really want to go camping in the next few weeks. So if anyone wants to go camping let me know, we should get a big group of people together, a bunch of beer, and head up to the woods for a couple nights, I was thinking maybe the weekend after the 15?

posted by sarah on Tuesday 06 July 2004

Fuck Women(up their stupid asses)

How is it that women have the mindboggling power of turning a fun time into something quite the opposite in the matter of seconds? Why is it that they feel like they should do this? It cant wait till later? All our friends are here! WTF!?! All our friends are getting pissed! They dont want to hear this! Fuck! Lets talk about it when we get home! Lets talk about it tomarrow when we are sober! FUCK! FUCK! Why?!?!

I can see myself in ten years walking around poor and destitute, with only some whitey tighteys and a T- Shirt that says FUCK WOMEN.

Those are the only things I wouldn't pawn off at that point.

Women are like leaches they aren't happy with just your efforts and energy and love, they just have to keep on going till there is nothing left besides a wrinkly scrotum in a sandwich bag. THEY. SUCK. YOU. DRY.

posted by ian on Monday 05 July 2004

¶ | eight comments

independence

it didn't hit me until i was walking with een and jon, watching the last few fireworks being shot into the beautiful ashland sky. it was surreal -- bodies, hundreds of them, camped out under the stars, watching the sky. it made me smile. i remember, 365 days ago, laying on a blanket in the walker school field with her. i lost like $6 in quarters doing sommersaults. what a loss.

these days, it's all about independence. moving out from my parents house, working a job i hate so that i mave money for rent, gas and beer (it's beer vs. food these days [pbr 40s always win]). but, more importantly, it's about independence of my heart. i've let this go on for far too long. i'm almost starting to think i like being a little bit sad. it drives me, sure, but hey, whatever. i've got this uber-rad girl that i talk to (ms.wr222), she keeps my mind of the negative (she's super cute too).

but, when it's all said and done, it's just eric -- alone, typing infront of this monitor. i love you all.

ps- i punched zach in the stomach. how cool is that?

posted by on Monday 05 July 2004

happy 1 year aniversary Eli and Sarah

Shit you guys have been together for a year already, hey good for you. Why I remember the night, of the fourth, of july. It was a breazy one,? Or hot maybe. I don't actually remember that, but here is waht i do remember:

posted by on Sunday 04 July 2004

time to wake up

I woke up at five am this morning. It was nice. I took scooter for a walk, still cold outside, and dim. I had to put on a coat. Then i did some tai chi. deep breaths of fresh air. It makes you still inside, and with the stillness outside, because the only things out are animals and insects, it was multplied a little. I like getting up this early. I do not even have to be to work till seven, but i will show up at about six or six fifteen to get ready for a busy fourth of july. America Day! Yea!.
The only problem with getting up this early is that i usually don't get enough sleep. Because i don't go to bed early enough. This is helped out by the fact that i often get woken up by noisy roomates. Namely Zac. Zac is alyways the one to wake me up. He seems to yell instead of talking when he is drinking and trying to be cool. Last night he was giving two girls a tour of his room, (this is badass i must say though) then he takes them outside to where my window is open and talks, no yells about some bullshit.
It is okay though, because this morning my alarm went off at five a.m. with queen blaring we are the champions, i let it play as loud as i could. Then i said good moring to him, though i knew he was still sleeping at night. He he he. Childish I know, but funny, "we are the champions, my frie-ends".
Well happy fourth, motherfuckers, and...
God bless our freeeeedommmmm!
Here in Amerriiiccaaaaaa!

posted by on Sunday 04 July 2004

The low point of my life (by Eli Allman)

It was August of 1992, I was a nine year old boy looking for love in all the wrong places. The temperature in Bakersfield Ca. was about 103 degrees and rising. I was watching the sweat roll of my balls with my two buddies Garret H. and Dakota P. (both approximately Eight years old) when young Jenny crossed the street to see what we were up to...

posted by sarah on Friday 02 July 2004

The Tree of Life

posted by on Thursday 01 July 2004